How to Tell Family/Friends When You Have a Cancer Diagnosis

This first month is truly overwhelming. Lots of appointments and confusion until you settle on your team and process the diagnosis yourself. There is no right or wrong way to handle sharing this information. There is no absolute. It is your information to tell only if you so choose. The guidelines below are just that: guidelines. They are meant for sharing with adults, not children. There are strategies for how to tell children which will be posted at a later time. 

Telling family is not easy. But usually they will want to know and you should share if having their support is important for you. 

Best way to tell family is direct. An example is “Mom/sister/brother/dad. I want to tell you something that I’ve been going through. I noticed a breast lump and it is breast cancer. Unfortunately it has spread. I did not want to tell you until I had a plan and some answers. My doctors are recommending treatment. My doctors are optimistic that it can be controlled”. You may want to tell them together if logistically feasible. 

They will have many questions. You can either answer or say that it has been emotionally draining and what you need most is support. If they offer to visit or go to appointments with you, say yes if that is in your comfort zone. If not, say you prefer to have them visit, share a meal etc and be “normal”. Will give you a break from it all. 

You set the tone for how you wish family or friends to help or not.